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Talkin' Smack: The Macworld Smack DownMy annual list of demands for the Mac platform
"Aw, Dave," you whine, "can't you just tell us now?"
Certainly not, foolish reader.
"Why not?" you query.
Well, dear reader, I am honor-bound not to reveal any secrets until the proper date and time. You should know that.
"What do you mean 'honor-bound?' You don't have any honor. Tell the truth, now. You don't know anything, do you?"
Normally I would argue with you, dear reader, but I'm writing this on a Friday afternoon, and, after several 16-hour days of hammering on this keyboard for your benefit, I'd like to get it done. So, if it will shut you up, I will admit that I know nothing.
"That won't shut me up. But I'm glad you've finally admitted that you know nothing ... about anything."
Are you trying to zing me in my own column, reader? You're starting to get on my nerves there. Why don't you just wander off somewhere and play with your peecee so us Mac guys can get something done.
"Ooh, hold on there, Mr. Grumpus. Did you miss out on your juice today? Why so crabby?"
Well, I'm glad you asked. You've finally provided me with a segue into my topic for the week.
"Oh, then I take it back. I want to argue some more."
Too late. Now, normally you know me as the always-smiling, ever-cheerful Dave, spreading his Macintosh joy all over the world. But this week is the week I lay out my gripes about the platform, risking the contempt of you, dear reader, and all the rest like you out there who will, no doubt, accuse me of being a traitor to the platform for what I'm about to say. Still, it must be done, for this is also the week out of every year when I have nothing else to write about.
So, in preparation for my list of gripes, I psych myself up to be as crabby as possible so as not to pull any punches. Hence my short-temperedness with you.
"Aha. But this still doesn't explain why you claimed to know something when you didn't."
Shut up, or I'll eat your head.
So now to my annual list of demands. I have but six this year. Remember, these are demands for the professional market. I don't care what the next iMac looks like or what's going to come along to replace the Cube. These are the demands that I think will help make the Mac a better platform for those of us who work in creative fields.
1. First, like all Mac users, I want some significantly faster processors introduced into the lineup. Not some little, puny step forward in clock speed. I want a definitive jump ahead of anything offered on the peecee platform. Barring this, I demand a written apology from Motorola for failing to keep up in chip development. I know what you're all going to say about this, but read the next one first.
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