Kiss My Shiny, Graphite Mac

By David Nagel
Senior Producer

A few of you may have read an article posted on this site last week entitled "The Mac Sucks," by Charlie White. Mssr. White, an employee of Digital Media Online Inc., the parent company of this Web site, argued against the Mac as a viable platform for digital video production and editing, criticizing the lack of horsepower underneath the shiny exterior, the ancientness of the OS and the scarcity of hardware options. In short, he opined, the Mac sucks. Judging from your eloquent, level-headed responses to Mssr. White's column, I've gathered that you may have taken exception to some of the points made by the author. If I may summarize, I believe some of your more salient arguments included:

  • No, you suck
  • You're bald and stupid
  • Shut up before I kill you
  • That's not what your mom said last night
  • OS X is fancy
  • Mac good have video
  • Britney Spears stole my song
  • I like cheese

And so forth. Well, as the new senior producer of Creative Mac, I have to say that I agree with all of your points whole-heartedly. I also feel it my responsibility to leap to the defense of the Mac civilization and expand upon these arguments.

"But Dave," you say. "Why do you need to expand upon our arguments? They're clear and concise enough for anyone to understand, surely."

They're clear and concise enough for us smart Mac people to understand, indeed, but the PC folk out there might need a little more convincing. (Quite frankly, they're not the objects with the greatest magnitude in the night sky, if you know what I mean. And if you don't, go get yourself a PC, like maybe one of those wonderful Celerons or one of those super-advanced, 32-bit Pentium IIIs.)

So let me take your arguments one by one.

1. "No, you suck." I trust by this you mean to highlight to superiority of the overall experience of using a Macintosh--from the intuitive interface to the special feeling you get every time you try to do something and it works right the first time. Not that PCs fail to work right the first time every time. Quite the contrary. They work right at least 65 percent of the time. Some would have us believe that they work only about 1 percent of the time, but that's just an exaggeration. It's 50 percent at the lowest. More like 65 on average.

2. "You're bald and stupid." Here I believe you're calling into question the notion that the Macintosh lacks the software that you need to get your job done. In defense of the PC industry, if you work in banking or insurance sales, the Macintosh might not satisfy your needs. You might need a PC or a Macintosh running Virtual PC (or one of the many other Windows and DOS emulators out there) for your specialized sales needs. On the Macintosh, there's no fancy sales software like Goldmine, which allows progressive managers to count the number of keystrokes their salespeople enter into their computers everyday. And this problem might be a real negative when it comes to creative digital content development. I mean, sure, Photoshop, InDesign, QuarkXPress, Image Ready, Flash, Director, Premiere, Final Cut, After Effects and Pro Tools might help you create content on the Mac, but how do these programs help your manager monitor your productivity? I mean, where's the keystroke management? So I guess the PC users have us on this one.

3. "Shut up before I kill you." Yes, I agree that the G4 offers exceptional performance. And the promise of synchronous multiprocessing with G4 chips forces me to take cold showers every now and again. But even without this promise, the G4 is a tremendous processor. Is the Pentium line capable of running at faster megaHertz than the G4? Yes, but who cares? The G4's faster. Period. And even when the next Intel processor does leapfrog over the G4, what does it matter? You'll have a faster G4 in three months, and then we're back to where we started. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it will always be. Can you buy a system running NT that blows away any Mac? You bet you can. If you have enough money, go for it. In one year you'll be able to buy a consumer model that blows that one away.

4. "That's not what your mom said last night." While I agree with this statement, it's not really called for, so I'll avoid this one.

5. "OS X is fancy." Contrary to Mssr. White's assertion, OS X is not a phantom operating system. It's real, and it's running in developer release. And, if all goes according to schedule, as it just might, we ought to be able to pick up a copy of it by this summer. And in January it'll be preinstalled on all G4 systems. I'd stake my as-yet-non-existent reputation on it.

6. "Mac good have video." Yes, Mac good have video. And Mac good have even better video soon as hardware options continue to proliferate.

7. "Britney Spears stole my song." You're right, the Mac is great for digital audio production.

8. "I like cheese." To be honest, this one kind of eluded me. I mean, I like cheese too. Who doesn't? But I'm just not sure how this furthers our pro-Mac position. At any rate, I think we've made enough points without really expanding upon this one.

In case I happen to have missed any of the points you wanted to get across to our readers, or in case I "smarted it up" a bit too much, I've chosen to include a select number of your e-mails here in a new section I like to call "Talkin' Smack."

Dave Nagel is the brand spankin' new Senior Producer of Creative Mac. An eight-year veteran of the print publishing world, Nagel covered a broad range of topics in the areas of technology and marketing. As a Mac psychofanatic since 1987, he's finally landed his dream job: earning a living writing about his favorite topic. If you have something to say, please send a polite e-mail to [email protected]. (Let's not try to bring him down from his euphoria too soon.)