If you're anything like me, when you heard about the new multiprocessing G4s, you stood up on your seat, ripped off your clothes and started convulsing like a Pentecostal, speaking in tongues while chugging arsenic, proclaiming the glory of the great Bejeezus above. Holy Vishnu, Mary and Joseph! What a score! I was wondering what I was going to get for my birthday, and here it is! All of human history has led up to this moment—all the disease, death, despair, all of it—from the cosmic singularity to the great rift to the formation of stars and planets to the little coagulations of matter we call humanity. And suddenly my place in all of it was clear: I am to purchase one of these machines and play Diablo II over a gigabit LAN forever (just as soon as I'm able to liquidate some of the billions of dollars in stock that I have tied up in Creative Mac's parent company, Digital Media Net).

And I don't want to hear any griping about OS 9 "not supporting" multiple processors. The fact is that Apple's given us an early gift—machines with multiple processors for the same price as the single-processor models. I, for one, will be dedicating one hard disk to running the OS X beta when it comes out. In the mean time, I'll get the advantages of multiple processing in the creative applications I use most.

My only real negative feeling about the new G4s regards the still paltry PCI offering, especially given Apple's push to the vanguard of the desktop video revolution. Three PCI slots does not a revolution make, especially if Apple wants its revolutionary army to be equipped like professionals. It seems like such a simple change to the G4 that I just can't fathom Apple's reluctance—a few more slots and a couple extra fans, and we're good to take over the world.

(And speaking of fans, maybe this week's Siggraph show in sweltering New Orleans would would be a good place to make just such an announcement. But I doubt that will happen. However, given the fact that Apple learned how to cool a G4 without a fan, maybe we will see a G4 PowerBook in the near future.)

The G4 Cube was nice too. I guarantee that you're going to see free product placement everywhere just because the thing looks so amazing. It's pretty decent technology too. This could have been another 20th Anniversary Mac fiasco with an underpowered processor, but, instead, it has some speedy guts, if you can get the thing to run applications with only 64 megs of RAM.

The end
I'd like to close on a positive note. It may shock you to learn that I did not actually attend the Macworld show. Instead, star reporter and Man About Town™ Tim Wilson, producer of Plugin Central, went in my stead, sparing me the hazards of flight in an age of bong-ripping airline mechanics, less than competent pilots and unconstitutional treatment by authorities in the airport and in the plane. (Vote Libertarian!) I'd like to say a few words about Tim right now.

The word hero is often used to describe those noble and honorable warriors who risk their lives in combat to gain glory for themselves and for their people and to bring a hostile enemy to his knees. I, on the other hand, think of Tim Wilson, a man who went to New York to cover a trade show. I just get misty-eyed when I think of all the loot he brought home for me. Oh, and he also wrote like 15,000 words of news and analysis, which is also nice. Here's to you, Tim Wilson, a great American hero!

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