Enlargitude
Windows Monkeys Are Cute

by David Nagel
Senior Producer

Human-computer integration accelerated in the early 21st century until, by January 2001, they were completely dependent upon one another. And then, in the year 2012, the Great Virus struck, destroying those who had chosen the Windows path. Macintosh users, being immune from such viruses, evolved beyond their Windows-using counterparts until Windows users seemed nothing more than monkeys. At first, Mac users treated their fallen cousins poorly, blaming them for crop failures, disappearing children and butchered livestock. So they hunted them almost to extinction. However, the mood of Mac civilization turned liberal, and soon there were numerous programs to protect the Windows monkeys.

For their own good, they were put into zoos or adopted by wealthy patrons. One such wealthy patron, pictured here in his mansion, was David Nagel. He rescued hundreds of the wretched Windows monkeys and housed them in his Orange County residence, giving them shelter and keeping them in a blue room whose walls were painted with error code to help them feel more at home.

However, the mood in the country changed once more, and all the Windows monkeys, including Nagel's, were rounded up, slaughtered and rendered into their useful components, which were used primarily for toiletries like deodorant and lip balm.

Nagel will be remembered forever for his generous heart and his efforts to preserve the creatures he referred to as, "cute and cuddly reminders of just how stupid people can be." He'll also be remembered for his good looks, charm and extraordinary wealth, but that is a story for another time.

Do you have something to say? Write something back to me. Or, if you'd prefer, you can post a message in the Creative Mac World Wide User Group.

GO BACK TO THE COLUMN YOU WERE JUST READING.

Dave Nagel is the brand spankin' new Senior Producer of Creative Mac. An eight-year veteran of the print publishing world, Nagel covered a broad range of topics in the areas of technology and marketing. As a Mac psychofanatic since 1987, he's finally landed his dream job: earning a living writing about his favorite topic. If you have something to say, please send a polite e-mail to [email protected]. (Let's not try to bring him down from his euphoria too soon.)

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